This isn't going to be one of
those gushy "Oh isn't that cute" messages regarding the things kids
like to do. This is the stuff you don't hear about, a few things I've compiled
over the last 6 years of experience. Some are just funny things that have happened
but others are, well you could say advice if children are in your future. And
yes, they are all from personal experience. And no, they aren't all
"gross" only some. :)
1. Having "poop" waft out of the bedroom is never good, it's even worse when you find out the little darling has decided to create his next art project all over the walls and window.
2. Wondering where the Fahrley's biscuit went only to find it stuck to the back of your daughter's head and she is none the wiser.
3. Taking your son to the variety store and while paying having him blurt out "HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH MOMMY!" is never a good thing (not stereotyping, the guy down the street really does have a problem with English)
4. Finding out that out of all the toys you got her, her favourite is the wipes holder.
5. Yay! You just sat down on the couch only to find out your little potty trainer didn't notice he was wet.
6. Well, you dodged a bullet, prunes do NOT effect your baby. But blueberries *surprise* will make his but explode in ways you never thought possible!
7. It's always fun when you hear him yell "HELP" in the middle of the night, but when you get there he's standing at the window .............fast asleep. Then it becomes funny.
8. Trust me, sometimes it's easier just to toss them into a bath then to even attempt cleaning THAT mess up.
9. 4 years later your still wondering where that car alarm went.
10. He blames his imaginary friend for putting him on top of his dresser when you KNOW there was no possible way for him to get up there himself. It's not even worth arguing.
11. You find out the only reason your son is being so quiet is because he has stolen the bag of Christmas chocolates and you were only able to save 1.
12. You know your kid is strong when he is carrying cinder blocks across the yarn and beating up kids twice his age.
13. If they are playing quietly by themselves (and you know what they are doing) while your busy... DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT draw attention to it. It will stop!
14. When bringing in the groceries try and be sure to get the bag with the treats put away first and without their knowledge. If not, there is a good chance there will be a fight at dinner.
15. "No you can't draw a band-aid over that paper cut. Dry-erase does not include skin"
16. Fahrley's biscuits are the greatest invention ever.
17. Exersaucers are awesome, but DON'T EVER take it apart again.
18. "Don't you put it in your mouth, don't you put it in your mouth. Don't stuff it in your face, don't stuff it in your face......." we all know this one (if you don't, learn it) and sing it often.
19. Ok, call me a bad parent if you want with this one but the Freddy Krueger song is a great way for kids to learn their numbers. That's partly how Joe did it. If you are unfamiliar with the song You Tube it.
20. Got a problem with them eating paper, just repeat this in your head when they do it "it's adds fiber".
21. Do not inform your child that earth worms have 9 hearts until they are able to understand death. If you do you'll come outside to find that he has decided he wanted 8 worms more then what he started with.
22. Drinks and dirt don't mix.
23. The table will always win. (please refer to picture).
24. Just because it says it's indestructible does not always mean it is.
25. And last but not least, The Bugs and Tweety Show is not bad for your kids. We grew up on in and we're fine. Right? And besides I find Joe like the older generation animation better anyways.
1. Having "poop" waft out of the bedroom is never good, it's even worse when you find out the little darling has decided to create his next art project all over the walls and window.
2. Wondering where the Fahrley's biscuit went only to find it stuck to the back of your daughter's head and she is none the wiser.
3. Taking your son to the variety store and while paying having him blurt out "HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH MOMMY!" is never a good thing (not stereotyping, the guy down the street really does have a problem with English)
4. Finding out that out of all the toys you got her, her favourite is the wipes holder.
5. Yay! You just sat down on the couch only to find out your little potty trainer didn't notice he was wet.
6. Well, you dodged a bullet, prunes do NOT effect your baby. But blueberries *surprise* will make his but explode in ways you never thought possible!
7. It's always fun when you hear him yell "HELP" in the middle of the night, but when you get there he's standing at the window .............fast asleep. Then it becomes funny.
8. Trust me, sometimes it's easier just to toss them into a bath then to even attempt cleaning THAT mess up.
9. 4 years later your still wondering where that car alarm went.
10. He blames his imaginary friend for putting him on top of his dresser when you KNOW there was no possible way for him to get up there himself. It's not even worth arguing.
11. You find out the only reason your son is being so quiet is because he has stolen the bag of Christmas chocolates and you were only able to save 1.
12. You know your kid is strong when he is carrying cinder blocks across the yarn and beating up kids twice his age.
13. If they are playing quietly by themselves (and you know what they are doing) while your busy... DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT draw attention to it. It will stop!
14. When bringing in the groceries try and be sure to get the bag with the treats put away first and without their knowledge. If not, there is a good chance there will be a fight at dinner.
15. "No you can't draw a band-aid over that paper cut. Dry-erase does not include skin"
16. Fahrley's biscuits are the greatest invention ever.
17. Exersaucers are awesome, but DON'T EVER take it apart again.
18. "Don't you put it in your mouth, don't you put it in your mouth. Don't stuff it in your face, don't stuff it in your face......." we all know this one (if you don't, learn it) and sing it often.
19. Ok, call me a bad parent if you want with this one but the Freddy Krueger song is a great way for kids to learn their numbers. That's partly how Joe did it. If you are unfamiliar with the song You Tube it.
20. Got a problem with them eating paper, just repeat this in your head when they do it "it's adds fiber".
21. Do not inform your child that earth worms have 9 hearts until they are able to understand death. If you do you'll come outside to find that he has decided he wanted 8 worms more then what he started with.
22. Drinks and dirt don't mix.
23. The table will always win. (please refer to picture).
24. Just because it says it's indestructible does not always mean it is.
25. And last but not least, The Bugs and Tweety Show is not bad for your kids. We grew up on in and we're fine. Right? And besides I find Joe like the older generation animation better anyways.
26. Sometimes just don’t ask, cus you probably
don’t want to know
27. An
adult and two kids CAN fit in a moon/tub chair no matter how many times you say
No.
28. Glue
gun works very well on window screen…. Many times over.
29. If she says she's a Princess then by God she is a Princess and don't you forget it. (refer to pic 2)
Patio table - 2 Joe - 0, best part is that when he got up all he had to say was "I'm ok" and tried to start playing again. Didn't even notice the blood EVERYWHERE.
Playing Flower Girl for Auntie's wedding.
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